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Tuesday, February 24, 2004
I think I am breaking under stress... Spirit, vibrancy...it's deserting me. It is only my dreams which sustain. And now, they are slowly deserting me too..
All (or at least most of) my dreams are destroyed, destroyed by hectic schedules that keep me bound...destroyed by the constraints of society that keep me caged. One of my greatest dream of childhood -- to study in an international boarding school in Switzerland, surrounded by the cool mountain air everyday. Is that going to be fulfilled? ... no. So many ideas I have, so many, turned to naught. Why? ... again, the standard answer: busy life, AEP, homework, schoolwork, tests, exams, and all of those. It is true. Sad, but true. I am losing direction...sometimes the line between reality and the surreal becomes blurred, the air ..the buzzing in the air..what's that?..Lights in the distance..or fluorescent harsh lights right overhead? Sometimes the dreams are my life. they are the reality. Waking dreams...fled, the music. My grades are sliding, just as my spirit sinks day by day too. What is this life come to? (never mind me. I'm just dazed and depressed.) What I truly want -- a break away from school, from homework and tests, from nagging parents and irksome sisters. A time to do what I truly want, a time when I'm finally free.
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